From the moment you find out you are going to be a mom to the day they turn one, you are going to have your face buried in baby books in an attempt to control the nerves that have you shaking like an autumn leaf. However, from our experience in motherhood, we’ve learned that there are more than few truths that baby books leave out; a few secrets that will spring up on your completely unwittingly.
So, to help prepare you for the home truths that hit harder than an Alex Rodriguez home run we have pulled together some things every experienced mom will nod their head at and things you probably haven’t heard about until now. We gotta tell you, this whole being a mom thing is the most entertaining adventure you have ever been on.
You Will Sing Songs All The Time
At bathtime, during feeds, when you’re getting them dressed and preparing the usual dinner of pureed sweet potato; you will catch yourself singing another Disney song. Or a nursery rhyme. Or just a song where you have rewritten the lyrics to squeeze your baby’s name into it. You will become an all-singing and all-dancing mom that is happy to get paid in smiles.
Puke, Poop And Pacifiers
It is going to be an unprecedented experience for you (hopefully), but from the day your baby is born, you will have to get used to them being addicted to their pacifier and you getting puked on sixty-three times a day with the odd leaky poop thrown in there for good measure.
Your Google History Will Be Mental
Within a month, your Google history will be a minefield of giggles. You’ll find that you subscribed to Inner Parents just so you could find out what the best wipe warmer of 2017 is. There will be ten Google searches a day whereby you were searching, “what is wrong with my child,” and you will find yourself asking Siri, “How do moms with twins do it?”
You Will Leak Milk At Some Stage
Whether it be because you didn’t realise it took five days for your breast milk to come in after giving birth, or you didn’t manage to pump your boobs in time or, most embarrassingly of all, forgot to put your breast pads in; you will find that your boobs will leak milk and your shirt will display the results for all to see.
Your Kid’s Fashion Comes First
So long as your child looks as cute as hell, you will not care about the fact you are going out with sick-knotted hair, wearing a poop stained shirt and only one shoe on. You sacrifice your fashion needs to make sure your kid looks amazing; we all do it.
No Time To Shower
All those years you took the luxury of a shower for granted. But now it is too late because, well, you simply don’t have time for a shower anymore. Nope. The time will come, one day, but even then it won’t be a peaceful one as your kid bangs on the door and begs you to let them in. So, for now, your biggest luxury is dry shampoo. Sorry.