Are you too Selfish to be a Parent?

It’s happened, you’re pregnant. Congratulations! While you may not be feeling excited about this new journey in your life, there’s lots of good that comes from becoming a parent. As a mom of three, I can tell you it’s the most exhausting yet rewarding job I have ever had and I feel blessed to have a chance to own that title of Mama. With that being said, becoming pregnant isn’t always a planned event. Birth control options have an error rate and even when taken correctly can cause an accident to happen. Basically you must know that having physical activity with your partner, even when using birth control methods, can result in pregnancy.

What happens when you find out you’re pregnant by surprise and you aren’t quite sure that you are ready? Well there are various options and there are also support groups and family who will help lead you forward. Adoption is one option many think of when faced with an accidental pregnancy, and that can provide a loving family with a child of their own. It’s great to be able to opt in for having your newborn baby adopted if you are adamant having a baby isn’t something you’re ready to take on right now. As a mom of three, obviously I never selected that option.

We all choose what’s best for ourselves and our relationship as well as future goals.

How can you Determine if Ready for Baby

While there is no one way to determine if you are ready for a baby, there are a few things you can think about and may need to change if a baby is coming into your life.

• Does Future Plans Leave Room for Baby? You may have your future goals set out and you are ready to move forward with them. You want to be successful and life has always been just about you. If you have found yourself expecting a baby but you know in your heart that you simply aren’t ready to be as selfless as one must be to be a parent, then you may not be ready.
• Can you Adapt for new Baby? Once you become a parent, it’s inevitable that your world will revolve around this little human being. Everything you do or say will be taken in by this little baby from day one and you will have to learn to adapt for new baby. If you are someone who can’t foresee adapting to become the best parent possible, then perhaps you are not ready for a new baby.
• Are you Financially Ready? While most parents find that they weren’t financially ready for a baby, sometimes this is an important factor for a person. If you are deathly afraid that you will not be able to afford a new baby, then sit down to write logical reasons why you will not be able to financially support a baby. Be realistic and figure out if you can adapt finances to suit a new baby or not.
• Are you Emotionally Ready? A baby will take on most of your strength during that first month or so of living. You will get little sleep, especially if you work outside of the home and your life will revolve around this little one. Think about your mental health, are you emotionally stable and truly capable of handling the extra mental strength a newborn will place upon you? Sit down to chat with your counselor or family to determine what’s best for you and this unborn child.

How can you Get Ready for Newborn?

In all honesty, even if you feel that you are just not ready for a baby but can adapt to this new life that will call you Mama or Daddy, then you can move on to get ready for a newborn. Make a commitment that you will be the best parent possible and put this baby as well as the other parent’s needs as a priority in your life. Prepare to know that you may have to give up some things or adjust how you do them because you are a parent to a newborn and your partner is counting on you to help not just sit back and be selfish.

Often times relationships break up when a newborn comes along because they simply didn’t discuss how the new baby will be taken care of. They didn’t discuss what each will expect from the other and they didn’t take time to financially prepare, such as purchasing diapers and other items before baby was born. If you want to have this newborn child and bring it into your life then you will have to think before you make future goals that may leave your newborn with just one parent who is pulling all of the weight and getting exhausted.

Being a parent is the most selfless act out there, and I am honored to enjoy being that person.

Once you find that you are pregnant and it wasn’t planned, you really need to do some soul searching and be honest with yourself about your character. Sometimes people are just too self-absorbed to take on the role of Mom or Dad and that’s okay, so as long as you can be honest with yourself and your loved one so that you don’t put them into a situation where they end up bitter and alone.

Read What to Expect in First Trimester and What to Expect in Second Trimester.