Couldn’t Have Guessed It in a Million Years
These parents were the most normal people on the planet. By normal, the OP meant that they shopped at Pottery Barn of all places, which is the quintessential place to pick up furniture that says you’re not an international spy. But it didn’t take long to find out that the mom and dad had a darker side.
Thankfully, they weren’t involved in bombings or selling illegal substances from their garage. They were club-goers and had just come back from a strip club when the OP called them back for an emergency. Imagine seeing your regular neighbor frantically shaking glitter of their clothing in the garage before stepping foot indoors.