You Need Better Insurance
Tom Brady was picked 199th overall in the 2001 NFL draft. It’s literally been over two decades since the man first set foot on an NFL football field. He’s freaking 43 years old! If someone even touches him the wrong way, we bet that his bones will instantly turn to dust.

Congratulations, Tom Brady, for winning seven championship rings, but don’t you think it’s time to retire? You don’t even have to retire quietly. You can throw a state-wide party in Florida for bringing the Bucs their first ring in over a decade. We’re worried about your health, man. It can’t be healthy for a middle-aged fella to continue playing in the NFL.